Saturday, April 15, 2006

I dont know if this makes sense at all

I couldn't sleep. I practically immersed myself into reading 5 chapters of the lengthy "Bachelor List" by Jane Feather to put me to sleep -yet failed, surprisingly.

Who am I fooling? How can I sleep when half of me is still thinking of you? There's no escaping you now, since I've graciously ushered you in my thoughts long ago. Had I known the consequences of this self-destruction, I wouldn't be so cordial to you --maybe.

A fool I am truly. I resent that I danced to your ploy then fall gracefully on your manipulative hands. I can't forgive myself on this lapse of judgement. You had me as soon as your eyes laid on me. Was that easy? Was I an easy prey?

Thus, as I find it fitting, I leave my fate to you --mighty predator. The responsibility is solely yours now. The prey won't even dare fight back. Submissive and quite trusting I come closer to your den.

I never dared to pry anyone's business even if it was in the way across mine. I thought that was polite and righteous. I have only collected parcel knowledge of your land --of your "geography" as you quote the old man. I could never ask probing questions unless you've given me permission to enter your kingdom --and meet with your vast and contradicting kings inside you.

I write to had it known to anyone who preys on my heart, my body, my thoughts, my spirit, my being or whatever I may possess that deemed huntable that I don't find it fair that I am only desired maliciously.

It's not I despise you.
I actually love you.

But if this uncertainty prolongs and it delights you even more. I wouldnt scorn you for the mockery or sincerity or the things in between. I let it happen. I am your most willing accomplice and victim.

I never lived a life of denials or regrets.

I did let you know that I love you.
That is enough for me to hold.

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