Monday, October 12, 2009

Forgetting JPG

It takes 21 consecutive days of repeated doing of an act to make a habit and it takes 21 consecutive days as well to kill a habit. At my previous work and the others before that one, I'm known to be the one that arrives late or miss a day or two for no apparent reason. But I challenged myself in this regard,and for at least 21 days, arrived at least 30 minutes for work. I was punctual and never absent for 2 months --a big improvement according to my reputation. I tried quitting smoking but I can only go as far as Day 2, so I'm not so successful with that one but I think it is because I don't really want to quit the habit.

There is another habit I don't want to end; for the past 3 months, I've gotten the habit of spending 1/3 of my day with JPG, on the phone, ym, fb poker, etc. And all that ended, it's not like I didn't know it would happen but --for the months we wasted on each other, for the time I wasted his time and the times he made me wait, for the times I wake up at odd hours to talk to him and for the times he had to sleep at 6am to talk to me, for the many plans we crossed out for each other, for the many plans we made together, for our differences and brokeness, honesty and mystery that envelopes us--I prayed that we will make it together against all odds.

Only it didn't. It ended before it began.

It has been 21 days since we had blow, I didn't think it was that serious until we were literally not talking. It's hard when two proud people in love ends up fighting, it's like holding your breath underwater too long that your eyes are beginning to pop, your head in purple tint begging for air but you just won't let go , just won't breathe for the sake of pride. Maybe we were'nt really in love but we're certainly two proud people but I do love him--just not sure any more If I should but I still love him anyway.

I just wonder, what you are doing at certain hours that we usually spend together. How's your Saturdays? What time do you sleep now? What are you reviewing now? Who are you flirting with nowadays? How much poker chips do you have now? Does my voice still ring in your ears because yours certainly does to me? I miss your snoring, in some weird way, it lulls me to sleep.

Today, I know, I still love JPG. It has been 21 days but he's a habit I don't want to let go yet. Maybe the day will come when I won't be thinking of him, but not yet, because everything I do, reminds me of him and every boy I date, I see his face.

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