Thursday, May 04, 2006

Conditioned Response

I'm getting the knack of things....hmmmmm all sorts of things. i'm just amused to figure them out.

Adjust. Discern. Compromise. -Hmmm... pano ko ba sasabihin ng di kailangan ng sobrang elicit details. Let's just put this way. I have this tendency to be "selfish" pag ayaw ko...ayaw ko. But I guess I've been "selfish" too long. So someone's gonna have a blast (Yes, Congratulations to you lucky winner..hehehe) So it is a compromise between two arrogant people with somehow "selfish things in mind". There, I am adjusting. Of course, I really thought hard about it just so (atleast) I convinced myself that "it is perfectly fine". (Although, I wished there was another way..pero wala e.. so GO na). Seriously, I thought about it because I don't want to end up "picking myself up" --im too lazy to do that again, y'know? If I let it happen, then I should know that there is no one to blame but myself and even at that I should be forgiving to the "foolish" girl I've been. So I guess, I'm all in at that part "the selfish part" not the entire being, so to speak. Yun lang nman ang at I conditioned my mind that its just that. I hear velcro adhesives pulling away Body and Emotion.

Its a show of action not feelings. I am not complaining.

I took a retreat. I didn't try to contact him for about a week to think of reasonable, decent yet not icy way to deal with him. Since we come at opposite ends and not willing to be the first one to disarm ammo, it will really be a bloody bout between us. Sayang naman. So I thought, I should let my guard down atleast for a few days, atleast with him --and love isn't really the reason. It's giving the benefit of the doubt. Let's just see how the balance of "trust" manages on this "quakey" ground.

Condition! Condition! Condition!That word is not new to me. Before the scheduled football games, WE CONDITION. Before WNCAA season starts, WE CONDITION. It's all in the mind. So when you set your mind into something, the body will stupidly submit at the request of the insane brain.I conditioned myself on this one.

I submit - no regrets
No Blaming
If something goes wrong ----------------- RUN.

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