Lecheng Mind Games Yan

I don't like mind games but
I will play it if you lead.
Invite me to your board of choice,
if you think u can play it better than me.
Do not blame me when you suffer.


because I don't like mind games at all
but I'll play it with you.
you got me into this after all.

Just Me and My Books

Such a lazy lazy day.
No dates.
No poker game.
No casino.

Just me and my books.

I've just finished The Amateur by R. Littell. I'm reading Angels and Demons by you know who =)

I Spent It All

It was a crazy Sunday. With a kick of sponteneity, my friends Nikko, Diobs and Ross found our way to Casino Filipino to play Bakarat.

We set rules that we should only shell out P500 each and if we doubled up, we should stop OR we just have to play for an hour.

Nothing of those rules were not broken...... in just 15 minutes. Well, I ended up buying P1000 worth of chips. I got lucky and doubled and doubled even more.. but that just about the amount greed is capable of taking away from me.

In other words I lost.

But in a funny way.

We just laughed our way out of the Casino and our merry ride home singing ...

"I don't practice Santeria
I ain't got no crystal ball
Well I had a million dollars but I,
I'd spend it all"
-- Sublime

Candies

I've been idle on blogger because I don't know if I should be telling this but guess what, I figured I'm telling anyway. hahaha -but I ain't telling names.

I felt like confessing.

"Father, I think I have sinned. Taking candies I think I'm not allowed but I liked it. Without remorse, just gratification."

Don't we take candies just for gratification and not to think about how much sugar we are supposed to get from it? Well sometimes, against parental approval we sneak candies. SOMETIMES! NOT EVERYDAY.

Haaay.

2007

2006 was a good year of leisure and 2007 will be a year of taking things seriously... you know, find a job and study too.

that kind of seriousness.

I Smell Hmmhum Candy

"I smell sex and candy here,
who's that lounging in my chair
who's that casting devious stares
into my direction
Mama this surely is a dream"
-Marcy Playground

It kept playing on my mind. I do know S & C when I smell one.

Too bad I can't see him anymore. He's not bad, it is just that he reminds me of an ex which is not a good hit. Not at all. I don't fancy being reminded of a past flame. I'm not hating or anything, it is more drawn to the lines of awkwardness and disturbing.

Just being true people, No way I can go on seeing him at the same time, think of another person. Ahhh, too much resemblance! That's too bad.

I don't eat candies everyday but when I do, I enjoy it...and I had my christmas candy! lol Don't go grouching on me now.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Outgrow

Sometimes we outgrow friends.

"Guys are so easy"
- Brooke Davis, One Tree Hill

I don't need bullshit.

I wonder why my life isn't so complicated. It's like 'a hit or miss. Hit it then good, miss it then try next time or try another one. Is that an abnormal point of view in life?

Here's a revelation, all of my friends found their ika nga "nawawalang pares ng tsinelas" ("missing pair of slippers") but me. Shitty curse.

What a manifestation of my my boring life. Look at me, I'm sinking...no superman to save me. Fucker. But ofcourse, I had to live and got to the sea surface to catch breath and the reality of this misery... got on my board on my own "lonely" self.

There was just so nasty tall waves this weekend, not the kind a professional advice to a novice surfer to ride. Although I did dare and dared at the cost of my life. My life flashed before my eyes when I got wiped out. Not a pleasant experience.

I did quote Brooke Davis above, just shit. Guys are so easy. They all want fuck. Give in or not, they want fuck. I've never had a serious relationship in a long time (is something wrong with me?) The duration is just alarming. MORE THAN THREE YEARS.

I'm a well adjusted "single" by now, i just kind of "right now" missing cuddling. I don't want being so indepented all my life!!! But I don't dream of settling for flings.

Flings. I thought I had one right now, apparently, he did back out on our special day. So scratch him off my list. That's ok though, but while this issue is boiling today, it was not so big a deal that it happened because I keep figuring out my friends' relationship issues -I'm placing my friends' issues than mine...because it is just a question of desire...gusto or ayaw and that is it.

Maybe this is just an emotional episode. I went surfing with a couple and I kind of miss the feeling of in a relationship. Just really missing the sincerity, caring, cuddling part... it's been so damn long.

Guys are so easy, but no one said loving someone is so hard. Hard to say, I think I'm inlove with you. Just so darn hard.

I did tell my crushies that I like them but you see the result:

EMPTINESS.

Sure I can sleep with anyone I want to but... I want love and those things are two different things. I want love, why am I getting fucks? I'm not even a player.

===

Just earlier, I got home from Zambales even met my hunky crushie and turned out to be with someone already. HEARTBREAKING! but its ok, just a crushie not a lover. But you know, it is downright painful knowing that you've been uhmm scratched off.

GANUN TALAGA.

Konti nalang papatol na ako sa babae talaga minus the drama.

Gone Surfing

"Uy, pasencya na. Late ako.
Pero malapit na ako. Hintay lang."
- Bagyong Reming

Alam kong super bagyo ang parating pero mahirap itago ang tuwa ko sa pagdating ng bagyo dahil ibigsabihin mataas ang alon. Lakasan na ng loob yan sa pag surf. Wala na tong urungan

Sana lang hindi gaano kalakas para muling mapinsala ang mga ciudad at probinsyang dadaanan nito. Sana lang talaga...dahil nakokonsenya ako dahil masaya ako kasi may bagyo... hehehehe

GONE SURFING ...

Isang Gabi sa Nippon Maru

Ang Nippon Maru sa North Harbor

Dumaong ang Nippon Maru sa North Harbor at bilang consolasyon at pampagana, naimbitahan akong maghapunan sa Nippon Maru kagabi. Consolasyon dahil di ako nakasama sa SSEAYP 2006 Delegation at pampagana dahil magpapasa na ako ng application ng mas maaga para sa susunod na delegation.

Naisip ko na ang pagikot at paglakbay sa 5 bansa sa Asya lulan ng isang malaking Barko ay hindi magandang ideya sapagkat ako'y allergic at asthmatic sa maraming bagay. Pero naisip ko rin na ang pagiging allergic at asthmatic ay overused excuse na para sakin. hehehe. (idagdag pa ang pagiging late)

Nailarawan ko sa aking isipan na ang barko ay hindi ligtas na transportasyon. Nakasakay narin kasi ako ng barko at hindi maganda ang ala-ala ko don (First Impression, lasts.) Sa unang paglakbay ko ng karagatan, ang dumi ng ship cabins, yung bintana ng cabin nadrowingan naming magpipinsan papuntang Boracay...at pauwi pagkatapos ng isang linggo, nandun parin ang drowing na lumulubog na ship. Gumegewang-gewang ang barko sa lakas ng hangin habang pumapalaot magdamag. Mejo hindi komportable talaga.

Pero iba ang Nippon Maru. Ang Nippon Maru ay isang 3 Star Cruise Ship at mula sa Japan. Alam kong 5 stars ang pinakamataas na antas ng luxury pero sa nakita ko sa Nippon Maru, masaya na ako sa 3 stars.

Nais ko sanang libutin ang barkong Nippon Maru ngunit sabi nga ni Frankie "Bata" Ong ang presidente ng SSEAYP Philippines "Everything has changed since 9-11", mahigpit ang seguridad sa loob ng Nippon Maru. Sa lobby at ballroom suite lang ang maaring pasyalan. Ok narin dahil ang pagtitiis ay ayon sa kaligtasan ng lahat naman.

Gusto kong mapabilang sa susunod na paglayag ng Nippon Maru.

Bakuran Ng Magpipinsan

Sa bakuran lang ng magpipinsan, marami ang nangyayari. Minsan nagugulat na lang ako sa lahat ng aming pinagbago. Heto na siguro yung transisyon mula inosenteng bata tungo sa nagmamaalam-alam na binata at dalaga.

May kanya-kanya ng sikreto na kapwa nabibisto ng magpinsan pero ayos lang yan... ganyan lang talaga ang samahan ng magpipinsan.

Tamang salo lang.
Tamang good time.

Di parin ako sanay na nagmamatandaan kami. Feeling ko pag nagkikita kaming magpipinsan.... bata parin kami na nag te-train sa hagdanan, nag bebed-sleigh ride mula sa top step ng hagdanan, umaakyat ng poste ng swing para magchill, nagka-kamias/toyo/asukal/asin trip, maglakad mula bahay hangang Glori (na ngayon ay Champion na) para hanapin ang pangalan sa robee stickers na palagi namang wala ang pangalan ko Jasmin or Jam.

Iba na ngayon.
Iba na ang trip ngayon.

Layu-layo narin ang mga bahay namin. Nasa San Diego, NY, Auckland, Toronto, Pennsylvania, San Beda Village at ang home base Teachers Village. Layu-layo na talaga kaya kada kita namin ang daming nagbabago parang hindi ko na sila kilala. Ganun din ata ang tingin nila...pero ayos lang. Embrace change as it happens...ika nga.

Basta nagkikita.
Kahit ang mga nasa homebase at San Beda Village nalang ang nagkikita isang beses sa isang buwan.

Aalis pa kaya ako ng bansa?

Am I Boring You?

I think I'm getting old and boring.

I'm a frigid 24 years old soltera...yep no boyfriend. (although, I value my "ME" time, sometimes I want "cuddling" time...please don't tell me to look at the bright side of being single because seriously... I've lived those happy days and I'm yearning for love at the moment --ewww cheesy).

Love is elusive. I'm not literally chasing it but in fact, I'm staying still hoping it decides to rest on me. But not a shit does it... not even a shit dares to come near me --but that's a lie.

I get asked out on a date but it doesn't seem right. I'm really careful now about dating after I dated a good looking colleague which conveniently forgot to say he's married and a father of two and his wife is on her third pregnancy. Nasty. If it is any improvement, a perv friend, a highschool boy, and a friend who is a single parent are pursuing me. I don't know..it still looks nasty to me.

It's quite interesting that I'm feeling sulky about my soltera status. (Si Marco kasi e may girlfriend na. hahahaha)

Cinemanila and Cine Europa

bIf you have missed the Cinemanila early shows this year (CCP and UP Theatre) , it is not too late to catch it until November 15, 2oo6 at SM Cinemas (Mall of Asia -Cinema 6; Megamall -Cinema 12 and SM North Edsa -The Block Cinema 2). Ticket price is P100 (P50 for students). More details on film scheds . Visit 8th Cinemanila International Film Festival Website for other events like seminars/workshops on film or screen writing.

Don't miss it, For Pedro's sake.

Simultaenously, the Delegation of the European Commission to the Philippines is hosting the Cine Europa from November 9 - 19, 2006 at Shangri-la (Shaw Blvd.). Featuring contemporary and critically acclaimed films from different European Countries (Austria, Belgium, Czech Republic, Spain, France, Finland, Germany, Netherlands, Portugal, Sweden and UK). FREE ADMISSION.

Come an hour earlier than the screening time to ensure you get seats. You'll thank me with this advice.

I'm Type B, Apparently

I don't know if I've heard of Meyer Friedman back in Psych 101 but it seems my hippocampus is not capable of associating the name with his contribution to the wonderful realm of psychology (tut tut tut).

But anyway, Ate Kim (my so hot cousin) re-introduced me to Friedman and his buddy Rosenham who lived the better days of 1950's. They developed the Type A and Type B personality which later pursued their happy tripping with more experiment about the connection between these personality types and the risk of stroke and CHD (Crappy Heart Disease, ok it's C for Coronary).

Type A Personality Displays these Behaviors:

1. Insatiable desire to achieve their goals
2. Strong willingness to compete in all situations
3. Strong desire for recognition and advancement
4. Desire to multitask under time constraints
5. Always in a rush to finish activities
6. Above average mental and physical alertness
7. Feeling insecure about their current possessions, source of income etc..
8. A strong sense of guilt when spending their time idly

Type B Personality Displays these Behaviors:

1. Relaxed
2. Likelier than a Type A personality to be patient
3. Creative and imaginative
4. Inclined to self-analyze

Ate Kim claims to be Type A and accuses me to be Type B (but she's got a point, hear what's playing on my blog? -Que sera, sera). I was Type A but then got fatigued and decided to live the "Hakuna Matata" life until I get tired hanging out with Pumba and Simone (and that's sooooon).

But apparently, there is another personality type and consider it call of times. Accodring to a certain hooligan, Dr. Simeon Margolis of the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine there's another personality type, Type D. Individuals who fall on Type D Personality are prone to stroke and Coronary Heart Disease than Type A and it is not hard to see why.

Type D Personality Experiences the following Negative Emotions:

1. Hostility
2. Anger
3. Surliness
4. Rudeness
5. Depression
6. Anxiety
7. Tension
8. Negative Self-Perception

Surprisingly theres no Type C yet. Type D stands for "Distressed"

Are you Type D?

I'm definitely not Type D.

=========
So if someone goes loco on you...y' know, rude angry, hostile, downer ... just say "You're not my type" or "Don't go Type D on me, coz I'm so Type B."

hmm, that was plain corny.

Essay Essay Essay

Oh shit, deadlines! My paperwork is overdue. My application is overdue. My topic tips me off balance. Ghaaaaaaaaaaarsh, will I survive?

On the other hand, I only have 1 more task to do (so, I might as well top the cake with cherry anyway), My passport is ready and inspite of how my topic makes me nervous, I think it is the kind of nervousness brought by great anticipation.

So I am pushing for it.

Wish me luck!

Feed you the details some other time. I got some serious essay to do.

The Birthday Eve Virus

I was about to write how terrible my eve of birthday came to be. I planned to watch BMR tonight because tomorrow they won't be anywhere in Manila. Then things got so screwed up to the point of cancellation -damn asthma and allergy. Usually, during one's birthday, the celebrant(or celebrator..kung ano mas trip mo) gets to blow cake candles --I, on the other hand, gets to sneeze and blow my rosy nose to the 24th bout (maybe more, but I stopped counting upto my 24th candle..i mean sneeze)

I need comfort food. I want to eat SHAWARMA!! somewhere near, say, Ababu and Shan (my nearest neighbor) is nursing a bad cold din.

I got to take medicine for allergy and asthma but I can't take it on an empty stomach. Took milk but I know it isn't enough. Nothing around here interests me, so I had a silly thought of dialing 8-mcdo and get some spaghetti, burgers, chicken and fries to fill my stomach. How tragic to spend my birthday eve this way.

But I don't have to...

Titan and Lei sent an sms [happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you ... you know how the song goes then ends with...we love you *muah*, dito kami Sams, BMR ka?]

So I won't be really spending the eve alone. Titan and Leins called then I found out that Candy and Toti are also with them...Deno to follow. Wooohoooo! Ababu na to!

I don't care what virus I'll spread there. Let's just call it, The Birthday Virus. I'll nag Toti to drop by 7o's Bistro just to peek who's there and who's not.

So cheesy to say this but....sniff sniff.... i love my friends.

How Do You Count Days?

The last quarter of 2006 is here.

Everyday that came and has gone is an entire day that I cannot take back and relive.
Everyday that came and has gone by is an entire day I lived without regrets.
Everyday that came and has gone by nags me to my obligation to work next year (hehehe)
Everyday that came and has gone by is another day that reminds me that all days are different --nothing happens ever the same.
Everyday that came and has gone by taught me the value of patience, hardwork, forgiveness, self worth, national pride, courage and love and sacrifice.
Everyday that came and has gone by is an entire day of basking on peace of mind.
Everyday that came and has gone by is mine.
You count your own days in your own way.

Woooohoooooooo!

[singing... at last, my love has come along...]


It has arrived. Finally!! I woke up and found I got broadband internet. Whooooohooooooo! So, I checked all surfing pics from stonemoney, which were so good, listened to david's playlists, which I really find interesting. Downloaded Dindo's files, which were very interesting.

Download adsense just so I know how fast this net connection is. To my amazement, it is impressive.

ooooh my! this is really GREAT!!!!

Puso ng Carmelo Adventure

I've been putting off my visit to Puso ng Carmelo Sisters in Rosario, La Union. I really want to do my own pilgrimage there. I've heard very little about it; however, little it may be, it is enough for me to want to be there. The short description is all I need --Retreat house by the sea.

I plan to go there on my 24th Birthday, September 8. No more excuses and reasons will I allow to interfere with my plan. I'm excited. KQ will join me in this abrupt backpack adventure.

I just want something different to spend my special day. Last year was so great. Most of my friends (different circles) were there, including Brownman Revival. It was a loud party. So, this year, I'm spending it in contemplation.

Although, I don't really know what to expect from Puso ng Carmelo Retreat House because there isn't really much picture going around the net. All I got from google are the following:

Puso ng Carmelo is managed by Carmelite nuns. They graciously accept food and medicines to be distributed to 1,000 sick and indigent people in La Union. (If you have the hand to help, contact Sis. Janelle at 0917 9516413)

and

They are happy to see visitors.

---------
I know it isn't much. But if you know helpful stuff about Rosario, La Union and Puso ng Carmelo just tell me =)

BINNED

After 4 weeks of arduous toil for cash, I finally gained the luxury of time to relax and think about things to be spent on. Oh yes, it feels good.

In an intimate ritual with myself and peace of mind, I went through my cluttered stuff and justified every piece as either junk or essential. I admit, some are really hard to let go but the time has come for such things to go --i just know.

These are some items that I retrieved then decided to "RIP" into the trash bin:

Receipts - I have loads of them everywhere. Bank receipts, personal vouchers, food and beverages, concert tickets, gig nights, movies etc. These expense memories were all over the place to remind me that I've been...titling on my "saving skills". It is ironic to note that the reason why I kept these receipts (some are even aged and retrieved after 3 years) is to make me cautious on spending. I got to check myself on that more often.

An Old Photograph - Photographs are for keeping, really, but there are some photos that are best thrown away and forgotten. I found it again, this parcel of paper that feeds my contempt, my rebellion, my need for revenge... hokey, i hope you get the picture here...because I don't want to describe it some more. I always come across this picture when I decide to clean up. So once and for all, a decision has to be made; It is either I have to live hurt/anger (whichever comes first) through every time I see it or to bin it so I won't be feeling divided. I chose the one leading to forgiveness.

A Few Raffle Coupons, long due - Keeping them is a fit of madness. Why keep them if I have no use of them. I should have given it up and hand it to someone else instead. Chance, that is what it reminds me of. I get chances but hardly courageous enough to grab it and accept rewards graciously. Thus, "what ifs" are born.

A Three Year Old Charity Bond - I am ashamed. I haven't been true to my promise. Although it made me feel miserable (because it reminds me of my shortcomings), I am keeping this list to work it out.

The rest that were fated to be binned, were simply litter.

It felt nice.