Easter Reflection 2006

It's not pride that I am holding on to. It is more than just saving face for the sake of the entire family, profession or whatsoever. What is important to me is possessing secure moral character. Not to boast ofcourse, it is the least reflection of my being but it is to bring me to better senses spiritually. It is to hear God's soft spoken voice in this very mad and disorienting world.

I would not deny His great influence in me. Although, I cannot say I am a reflection of a quintessential Catholic/Christian. Speaking independently, I would like my spirituality be a personal and intimate kinship with God. Meaning, not following another person's spiritual path. Though, it doesn't mean that I belittle their faith. I only think that we have our own ways to show our reverence to Him and that whatever manner we choose to show it should not be anyone's platter of scrutiny.

My Fall, My Amulet
Temptation is really a hard battle to conquer. But as I grew older, recalling all the cuts and bruises and even death encounters, I became wiser and responsible of my actions. But being wise and responsible does not guarantee that I am absoluted from sinning. If so, then I shouldn't have any problem with strict diet because that's an easier task, should I? I fail but I am not a failure.

What is in temptation that lures me to sin? I thought about it for quite sometime and I came to the realization that it is a delusive carnal need. It is self-gratifying, nothing more. It deludes me to bargain on something that is less than what I need. It deludes me decide appropriately. It butters me up to want something that is temporal. It fuels my selfish desires. It is so hard to resist: bargain, psuedo-need and want.

But it is possible not to be persuaded by such temporal calls. And that is, God's voice.

It is The Voice that I would not want to fade faintly from my earshot. Everything falls apart when I cannot find the thread of His guidance in the wind. He is my amulet to ward away temptation.

Like, Love, L**t
My heart is treacherous vessel of my hopes and desires. Sometimes, my heart dictates to the mind --the seat of wisdom-- what is best for the entire self. The heart fails sometimes to coo the mind in submission and it surprisingly succeeds often times.

Though, at this point and age, I am aware of the beating of the conniving creature. So I am at best footing to secure myself together and protect myself from further injury.

It is not just being frigid. It is just a matter of how I value my security and I hope you have no intention of screwing it up. Nothing wrong with your manhood, I don't really mind it.

The Man
I love my man. If I decide to whom I will be with, I want it to be lasting. As yet, I haven't met him but I am not complaining nor am I impatient of his tardiness/absence. It is thrilling. Waiting is a lovely phase of getting ready --atleast I think so.

A word to the wise was handed to me by two happily married women (they are not affiliated to each other in any way) that their husbands are truly God sent. Both relayed to me that they specifically wished for 'the man' they want to share life with. They prayed eagerly and really went to the details (as petty as height, weight, profession to moral character) in petitioning. But there is a huge sacrifice to go with the prayer. It is sacrifice. To give up something that is of carnal interest.


....
I gave up something to meet you. I love you and I will forever be faithful to you. This Easter, I had a long reflection and I thought of you too.

Happy Easter
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*some details are omitted because it is too personal to air online.