"Guys are so easy"
- Brooke Davis, One Tree Hill

I don't need bullshit.

I wonder why my life isn't so complicated. It's like 'a hit or miss. Hit it then good, miss it then try next time or try another one. Is that an abnormal point of view in life?

Here's a revelation, all of my friends found their ika nga "nawawalang pares ng tsinelas" ("missing pair of slippers") but me. Shitty curse.

What a manifestation of my my boring life. Look at me, I'm sinking...no superman to save me. Fucker. But ofcourse, I had to live and got to the sea surface to catch breath and the reality of this misery... got on my board on my own "lonely" self.

There was just so nasty tall waves this weekend, not the kind a professional advice to a novice surfer to ride. Although I did dare and dared at the cost of my life. My life flashed before my eyes when I got wiped out. Not a pleasant experience.

I did quote Brooke Davis above, just shit. Guys are so easy. They all want fuck. Give in or not, they want fuck. I've never had a serious relationship in a long time (is something wrong with me?) The duration is just alarming. MORE THAN THREE YEARS.

I'm a well adjusted "single" by now, i just kind of "right now" missing cuddling. I don't want being so indepented all my life!!! But I don't dream of settling for flings.

Flings. I thought I had one right now, apparently, he did back out on our special day. So scratch him off my list. That's ok though, but while this issue is boiling today, it was not so big a deal that it happened because I keep figuring out my friends' relationship issues -I'm placing my friends' issues than mine...because it is just a question of desire...gusto or ayaw and that is it.

Maybe this is just an emotional episode. I went surfing with a couple and I kind of miss the feeling of in a relationship. Just really missing the sincerity, caring, cuddling part... it's been so damn long.

Guys are so easy, but no one said loving someone is so hard. Hard to say, I think I'm inlove with you. Just so darn hard.

I did tell my crushies that I like them but you see the result:

EMPTINESS.

Sure I can sleep with anyone I want to but... I want love and those things are two different things. I want love, why am I getting fucks? I'm not even a player.

===

Just earlier, I got home from Zambales even met my hunky crushie and turned out to be with someone already. HEARTBREAKING! but its ok, just a crushie not a lover. But you know, it is downright painful knowing that you've been uhmm scratched off.

GANUN TALAGA.

Konti nalang papatol na ako sa babae talaga minus the drama.